Hope

I work in a hospital. A teenage girl is pregnant. Again. It is unwanted but will be kept.
Maybe.

It used to make me mad, frustrated.
With myself.
With my Father in Heaven.
Sending beautiful unwanted babies to irresponsible girls.

Where did I go wrong? what did I do to be so cursed?
Where was my happiness?

For years I played the blame game,
 it was my fault, hubby's fault, His fault, then my fault again.

Too depressed to be comforted.

Too deep in my own sorrow to find joy in life.

My moods were dependant on each monthly flow.
If I missed a month, I was ecstatic 'flying on the wings of anticipation'
only to have dreams ripped to shreds by cramping and the unwelcome flow.

BUT

I am at peace now, and there is HOPE.

where did I find it?  Was it hiding?  no, 
it wasn't hiding nor did it need to be found.
It was always there...

waiting...
for me.

In the form of supportive friends, loving family and an adoring spouse.
But most of all it was Him.

Him who sent me to this earth, to gain these experiences, to grow stronger like Him.

He was always there waiting to comfort me, to wrap me in His arms of Love.
He had sent his Son to suffer and die, to feel the pains of my infertility. (and my sins)

As I reach out to others
I feel His love.

As I try to understand His plan
I am comforted.

He gives me Hope.

Now I am able to rejoice with my friends as they become parents again and again.